Let Go

Last night after I called my dad I cried... We kinda had a conversation about my future. My dad asked me about what I'm gonna do next, what about my plan, my carreer, ... And again... all those questions made me labil... I cried and let it all out to God... all of my confusions, my doubts, my fears, and my hope...

Then I send an sms to a close friend of mine... When he called me, I told him about what I felt and about my conversation with my dad... Before that, I've told him already about this (about what I felt and what's in my mind when I was labil)... Even tough he was never experienced this like I do, he told me that I'm still holding on to my own wish... Satu sisi aku udah bilang terjadilah rencanaNya, tapi satu sisi lain aku masih pegang keinginanku buat someday balik ke Surabaya. Aku masih menganggap bahwa ini cuman sementara 'n someday I will go back. It means I'm not totally surrender to His plan... Guess it's true... So he suggested me to let go...

Selain hal itu, ada satu hal lain yang aku pengen... tapi aku juga serahin total ke Dia, pokoknya temanya kali ini tu "let go" 'n surrender all deh... If God wants it, then it will be happen.. If God thinks it's not the best for me and it's not His plan for me, then it won't be happen... I trust Him and I do know that He knows better than me.

Honestly, it feels so heavy to let it go... Yet I know there's no other way for me if I really wanna follow Him completely but surrender all to Him... All my dreams, my wishes, 'n my hopes...

02:15 pm -------------

Barusan aku cerita ama kak Marcell di kantin about my dad's call. Kak Marcell bilang kayaknya papaku bakal tenang kalo aku bisa jelasin tentang kerjaanku dan gimana dengan aku sendiri di sini, 'n gimana dengan rencanaku ke depan. At least dengan kayak gitu, papaku sebagai ortu bisa lebih tenang coz dia tau aku punya tujuan yang jelas 'n bahwa apa yang aku lagi lakuin sekarang itu bikin aku enjoy. Coz ortu paling berharap satu hal ini, mereka pengen liat anaknya hepi 'n safe. I'm gonna tell my opinion to my dad when he calls tonight...

Thank You Father... You've answered me, You always answer me through anyone or anything.. and sudah terbukti, You're never let me think alone, figure it aout alone, and take the burdens alone... You've showed me that I'm really safe in Your track... Thank You...