Never Enough

Selalu saja ada yang bisa dikeluhkan dari keluarga kita, dari rumah kita, dari pekerjaan kita, dari teman-teman kita, dari pasangan kita, bahkan dari diri kita sendiri. Rasanya selalu tidak pernah cukup, selalu kurang, seandainya saja bisa seperti ini, seandainya saja bisa seperti itu...

Bukan hanya harapan kita yang kadang membuat semuanya terasa tidak pernah cukup. Tapi juga harapan orang lain, kata-kata mereka yang menyiratkan kekecewaan, keinginan, permintaan, keluhan, dsb yang kadang bisa membuat kita merasa down, dan berpikir bahwa kita memang tidak pernah cukup bagi mereka, kita tidak bisa membuat mereka bangga dan bersyukur karena keberadaan kita dalam hidup mereka...

Is it true that everything is really never enough?

Well yea, if you keep comparing, if you keep the unsatisfactions in every area of your life, if you keep seeing yourself through the bad glasses and listening to evil's lie, if you keep the disappointments, if you choose to see the weakness instead of see what you can be if you're not giving up 'n keep moving on with Him...

One night I ever felt that everything is so far beyond what I can thought before, beyond what I wished to happen... I felt like I'm loosing my self and my life... I felt that I'm not good enough for anything... People has their own wishes upon me, they want to see me like this, they want to see me like that, ... Well I just don't wanna loose myself... Why they can't let me to be me? If I'm not like what they want, then why they choose me? At one side, I felt that if I just do and change like what they want, then this person isn't me... But at another side I just thought, maybe I could try for a while, if I'm not comfortable with that, then I wouldn't keep it going...

Then I just fell down again... I felt that, maybe even how hard I try, I will never be enough for them... I'm just different, just like everyone else, everybody's different from one another... and that's natural... Then what's wrong with that?

People can have many thoughts about you, they can have many wishes upon you, but hey, you are the one who decide whether their suggestions are good to follow or not. You are the one who can crosscheck their words with your heart and with God... Then you can decide what you're gonna do next.

God accept us the way we are, but He is wiling to change us and make us to be better. Perumpamaannya tuh kayak gini... kita kayak seorang anak yang kondisinya kotor (dalam arti yang sebenernya, kayak kotor abis maen tanah gitu deh...), dia mendekat ke papanya (God) sambil pegang ice cream, sementara mulutnya juga belepotan ice cream yang dia makan. Papanya menerima dia, karna dia anaknya. Tapi papanya ga mau membiarkan dia terus-menerus berada dalam kondisi kayak gitu (kotor, dekil, mulut belepotan). Papanya pengen dia mandi, jadi bersih, wangi, 'n ga belepotan lagi. And that's what He wants for us too...

Sekarang kita tinggal saring 'n crosscheck aja, apakah harapan-harapan orang lain ke kita itu bakal membuat kita jadi lebih baik atau nggak. Apakah keinginan mereka atas kita itu membuat kita bisa jadi versi upgrade yang lebih canggih atau malah membuat kita nggak jadi diri sendiri. Apakah itu semua bener-bener masukan yang membangun buat kita atau itu hanya ungkapan dari ketidakpuasan mereka sendiri terhadap hidup mereka. Kita bisa memilih dan memutuskan... dengan bertanggung jawab tentunya...

And, what I will do with my thoughts of myself? I think I'm gonna crosscheck them first... Yea, I'm in a process... Maybe I won't be exactly like their hopes, but I will try and keep move on with Him... Coz there's still a lot to work, a lot to change better, and a lot to learn... But I'm with Him... my Source and my Power... I'm thankful for who I am and my achievements until now, but I will keep learning to be better and better.

For You, who makes me perfect in Your hands and in Your sight... Thank You God...