I know this is such a short notice... but I just need to tell you the story...

I don't have a plan to resign on my own will, though I really wish I could do it... Cause I've learnt that this is not my life, not my will be done, but His will. It has been my longing thought that I could go back to Surabaya, have a work there, and be close to my parent (they live in Madura, just 2 hours from Surabaya) -due to my condition as a single child- and my church community (my second family). But I always feel that God still want me to be where I am right now, here at Lippo Cikarang... until few days ago.

It has been 3 years and 9 months I've been working at CBN, as a WebContent Writer, as a part of IT department. It has been quite a tough journey for me, as I don't have any relatives nearby. Sometimes I feel lonely at weekends, when my other colleagues go home to Jakarta, or Bekasi, or wherever their homes are... and I'm stuck here with no family... But as time goes by, I started to get used to it... God has taught me to give thanks and always see the bright side of everything, which took me quite a long time to learn =p But He don't give up on me, so I don't give up either... It's His faithfulness that keep me survive for all these times, through many kind of moments...

So here's the story...

At the beginning of this year, I've met someone who had a plan to make an online media for Indonesian Christian Youth community. He is my elderly brother's friend. He told me that he might needed me when the media would have been built, as I had experience in an online media. I thought it might will be around next year, so I kind of forgot that offer completely.

Like I've told you, I really wish I could go back to Surabaya. And there were times when I know I wasn't let it go yet, I was still holding it so tight, though I know God wanted me to surrender it to Him and learn to trust my future completely to Him. It wasn't easy... coz it felt like I have been taken away from everything I knew (my family, my second family, my friends at Surabaya, all the familiar things for me) to live in a far-far away city and strange new people...

Despite my feelings, I know God has really fulfilled what He had told me before I took the decission to work at CBN. He told me that He would bring me to the promise land (like Israelites), and later on the journey, I found out that what He meant about "the promise land" was my calling. I joined at CBN first as a segment producer, which only lasted for 3 months hehehe... yea it was a prove that I was not created to do that =p what a stressful job for me... Until I joined in IT, as a writer for jawaban.com... I began to see what God wanted me to be, I found my passion in writing and online media. When I had just graduated from college, for the first time I asked God seriously about what He wanted me to do with my life and my existence, and I got something like media job, but I didn't know what kind of media. A blur vision at the beginning has turned into something clearer and more spesific here.

...and hey, I became a blogger since I worked as a WebContent Writer too =p What could be more fun than that? Hehehehehe... I just love writing and pouring my thoughts on paper, both online (blog) or offline (diary) =D

Few months ago I still held on my wish so tight... coz I really wanna be there, close to my family... I can understand very well about my dad's wish... Aku tau dia yang paling berat ngelepas aku buat kerja jauh dari mereka. Waktu aku nge-rewind semuanya... ada banyak hal yang udah aku lewatin selama aku ada di sini. Beberapa pesta nikahan sepupu (kesempatan buat ngumpul ama keluarga besar 'n extended-nya), ga bisa nemenin mamaku yang dulu sakit kaki waktu dia harus sering kontrol ke dokter di Surabaya... etc... it hurts to realize that keliatannya dari luar aku kayak anak yang ga peduli ama keluarga (temen-temen papaku banyak yang negur papaku kok ngebolehin aku kerja jauh-jauh, padahal cuman anak satu, cewek pula)... padahal aku sendiri pengennya juga deket ama mereka... Aku sempet mikir, padahal ini keinginan baek, kenapa Tuhan ga mau aku balik???

Then God gave me scripture that said, "He who has more love for his father or mother than for Me is not good enough for Me; he who has more love for son or daughter than for Me is not good enough for Me." (Matthew 10:37). I didn't think of that before... It's not literally mean that I should hate my family, but I should put Him first before anyone or anything else. From that point, I learnt to have the right priority in my heart...

And when I said, "Okay God, have your way... I'm done with mine... terserah Engkau mau bawa aku ke mana, entah aku bakal balik atau di sini, atau malah ke laen tempat lagi... just have Your way... You're The God... It's all about You, not about me or what I want..." Saat aku udah mulai settle di sini, udah mulai terbiasa ama semuanya, udah ga protes-protes lagi, mulai les EF... di saat yang aku ga sangka sama sekali... my elderly brother's friend called me, asking for my availability for his job offer, that he has previously talked months before... their website will be launched by the end of October, and they need me as soon as possible. It took me only 11 days until I made my decission after I prayed, have His confirmations, and asked opinions from my elderly brother, his wife, my mom, my dad, my "brother" in my office.

Yang rada aneh itu feeling... Dulu waktu aku baru lulus kuliah, belon tau tentang Basic Training di CBN, aku tiba-tiba ada feeling yang kuat banget kalo langkah selanjutku tu bukan di Surabaya. I tried to rationalize that but I just couldn't... sampe akhirnya setelah satu proses aku menjejakkan kaki di Lippo Cikarang. Nah kali ini, feelingnya emang ga sekuat dulu... cuman gatau knapa sejak taun 2008 ini aku selalu ngerasa ga yakin kalo ada usulan rencana buat taun 2009 atau rencana yang jauh-jauh gitu... Kayak waktu ada promo gratis airasia Jakarta-Surabaya (cuman bayar pajak doang) dulu selalu langsung aku pesen, buat mudik taun depan (promo gratis gitu kan kudu dipesen antara 6 bulan - 1 taun sebelonnya). Tapi kali ini aku ngerasa ga yakin banget... aku ga yakin 2009 aku masih di sini apa gak. Trus juga ada temen yang ajakin buat rencana liburan awal 2009... aku ga ngerasa yakin juga. Aku pikir maybe itu cuman feeling biasa aja... eh ternyata feeling beneran...

So... good bye my friends...

My IT gals... you have been the answer of my prayer 2 years ago. Thank you for your companion and care... at any time... including when I got sick... Thank you so much... You're the perfect "Yoel's Angels" now since there are only 3 of you =p of course that before the new angels come into the picture =p Keep up the spirit okay?
We'll have a girl's night before I went off for sure...

JCers... thank you for being a part of my journey while I'm here... ^_^

For my other friends, you'll have your personal letters from me ok? hehehe... yea I'm just such a writer =p Or... maybe a time together =p we'll see... tapi yang pasti sebelon aku cabut pasti kudu ketemuan lah... =p

This is not a farewell forever... I just gotta take a step to the next journey...
So... keep in touch ^.^

PS: Aku baru aja nemu postingan awal tahun lalu, waktu aku ngerasa galau 'n bertanya-tanya soal kondisiku di SINI. Waw... jadi tambah amazed banget ama Dia... I'm just speechless to see Your awesome ways God...