Me Singing "I Feel Good"

This Sunday ::: Getaway and Thinking

Yup! Hari ini kan ga ada oikos, jadi tadi siang aku maen ke rumah Momon (temen komsel), makan nasgor bikinan dia trus jalan-jalan naek motor hihihihi...

Pertama kita ke Carrefour PanjangJiwo coz dia cuman mau ngecek ATM doang, trus ke Bilka bentar, trus ke Zanggrandi (termasuk salah satu kuliner khas di Surabaya), trus ke Mirota (toko 4 lantai jual semua barang-barang khas Indonesia, di sana berasa lagi pergi ke Jogja hehehe...), trus ke Elizabeth (one of bags famous brand). Mirota ama Elizabeth itu sama-sama di jalan Gubeng. Then ke Carrefour PanjangJiwo lagi terakhir sebelon nganterin Momon balik ke rumahnya. Asik banget hihihi... Baru nyampe kos jam 19:30.

Tadi di Elizabeth beli celana jeans selutut buat ntar dipake ke Bali pas Desember ke sana ama Kezia, mumpung nemu celana jeans pendek yang pas banget, bahannya juga rada lentur ga kaku, harganya 80 rebu, jadi langsung deh hehehe.... secara kalo lagi butuh beli celana jeans jarang bisa langsung nemu yang pas kayak gitu.

Di Zanggrandi asli aku memuaskan hasrat hahaha... makan noodle ice cream ama milkshake coklat hihihihi.... secara jarang-jarang banget bisa ke sana, udah lama juga ga makan ice cream, enak banget soalnya Surabaya lagi panas hawanya, sumuk abiez... Nongkrong di Zanggrandi sambil ngobrol-ngobrol ama Momon... dikuatkan lagi untuk teteup percaya bahwa future mate itu masih akan datang... Kah Ming Soon hihihihi... Ya ga cuman ngobrol soal itu doang siy, banyak yang laen juga...

Udah lama banget ga nemu temen jalan yang enak kayak dulu pas kuliah hehehe... Kita dah planning ntar kalo bisa jalan-jalan lagi bakal ke mana aja hehehehe... Asik asik... ^o^ Soalnya asli belakangan dah beberapa bulan ini aku boring banget... pengen ngelakuin banyak hal yang fresh, yang baru... Pengen kerjaan baru juga siy hehehe...

Trus... barusan nemu pas googling les vokal... bener-bener pas kayak yang aku pengen 'n yang cocok ama kondisiku... Aku kan kerja kantor... jadi pengennya les vokal yang fleksibel soalnya aku pernah tanya ke tempat les vokal Purwacaraka kalo ga salah, mereka jam lesnya tuh siang, jadi kan aku ga bisa. So yang aku pikir bisa pas ama aku tuh:
- jam les vokal bisa di atas jam 5 sore
- gurunya cewek (ni karna aku pikir bakal lebih nyaman aja)
- kalo bisa seh dateng ke kos, privat gitu, biar praktis plus bisa fokus ke aku ;p
Nah yang aku temuin tu memenuhin semuanya. Sekarang jadi lagi mikir nih jadi beneran les vokal apa ga hihihihi... Papaku siy udah acc, dia bilang kalo mau les vokal gapapa, mumpung masih bisa belajar belajar apa aja yang aku pengen...

Thinking thinking deh...

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Sweetest Memory

When I thought about what is the sweetest memory in my childhood, I instantly remember about my grandpa (in memoriam)... It's not that the others (my mom, dad and grandma) didn't love me well, it's just that my grandpa left such a sweet and unforgettable memory in this little girl's mind.

He is the one who picked me up from school when I was in first grades of primary school.
He is the one who read me English fairy tale books and translated them, lately I realized maybe it has triggered my interest in English He is the one who accompanied me singing songs from my Sunday school (literally, he sang together with me), sometimes he mimicked me singing Sometimes he accompany me when I have to stay late at night to study for tomorrow's exam.

I saw him treated my grandma so good...
I have once wished I wanted to have a husband like him in the future...

Sometimes I wish he is still here on earth... I miss him...
At least he had become a right man figure to me
Guess I will have a husband with good traits like him

Men: Lust-Driven Beasts?

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

I have a couple of questions about sex. Actually, a couple questions regarding what I commonly hear about sex from Christians. I'm a 24 year old man and I'm not married. I'm a virgin, so the only things I know about sex (other than the biological/mechanical aspects) are what I've heard other Christians tell me. I hope to be married someday. What I talk about here is always with that in mind.

Everywhere, without exception, I have been told that when it comes to love, men are interested in sex and women are interested in romance. That men are visual and women relational. That is the more balanced view found in various books.

The view that I hear from the people all around me is that men are lust-driven beasts interested only in women's bodies, and women are pure-minded and are interested in forging interpersonal connections and building intimate attachments.

First, about man's desire for sex.

As only one being, I cannot refute the stereotype of men that I commonly hear. However, I CAN and DO refute it being applicable to me. I am NOT JUST a lust driven beast only interested in a woman's body. I DO want to have a close emotional attachment to one woman (if the Lord chooses to bless me with a wife). I DO want to be an intimate confidant with her. I would love the chance to practice romance. However, I also want a wife "to have and to hold." Does this last part mean that I'm still a lust-driven beast, but just domesticated a little?

Everywhere I have read about modesty, dating, courtship, marriage, relationships, sex ... they all focus completely on men's struggle with lust, while giving the impression that a "concession" has been granted for the sex drive in marriage. The entire focus is on the terrible consequences of the male sex drive.

It's really hard to control. It will cause you all kinds of problems. It will continue to do so for as long as you're breathing. Girls will continually have to be wary around you because "they know what you're thinking." As such, they also have to be so very careful to keep you from stumbling. Oh, and as a side note, God has taken pity on you and said you are allowed to let a little steam off in marriage.

I was under the impression that Satan was incapable of creating anything. That means God must have designed the male sex drive. Didn't He originally make it good?

If my attitude sounds bad here, it's because this hurts. A lot. On many occasions, I have had it said to my face, "Yeah, well you're a guy and everyone knows that guys are perverts" or variations on that thought.

Question 1: Why do I have to go around feeling ashamed and having people think of me as a disgusting pervert simply because I desire something (in marriage) that God invented?

Next, about a woman's desire for sex.

This one, I really have no idea about. I could claim some knowledge about the stereotype of men. I cannot do that about the stereotype of women; I'm not one.

Several married men and women have said that women are fairly indifferent/apathetic about the sight of the male form at best, and repulsed by it at worst.

If God wants me to be married, I am very much looking forward to being with my wife and being able to admire the beauty that God has blessed her with. The female form is beautiful and pleasing (is this just the lust-driven beast speaking again?). Women as a general rule have no similar desires? What do they mean when they say that a guy is good looking or cute?

They also told me that they will "be with" their husbands because the Bible tells them to (in the case of some), or the more caring/godly ones will do it simply to please their husband and because they know that HE enjoys it.

I heard one speaker say that men give love to get sex and that women have sex to get love. This sounds horrible and selfish! I already said that I want to love a woman (I am NOT just a lust-driven beast)! However, I DO also want a woman. If a woman wants to love a man, does she also want him?

Question 2: I want a wife. I want a wife who also wants me. Is this wrong? Weird? Naive?

I've heard these things all of my life. Over the past few months, I've heard so many pastors, speakers, married men and women, books, Web sites and blogs say these things that I'm coming close to despair.

AM I just a lust driven beast? If so, I don't want to inflict myself upon some girl. Am I right, and these stereotypes wrong? I'm hoping so. If they ARE true ... should I despair? Should I stop praying that God would give me a wife, and start praying for the gift of celibacy?

REPLY

Wow. You've asked what requires a book to answer, but I'll do my best to summarize.

Quickly, no, I don't think you're a pervert or lust-driven beast, at least not that I can tell from how you've described yourself. Your desire for sexual intimacy within the biblical context of love is God-given, so don't be ashamed. So let's explore how we should think about these things.

We can't answer your question until we understand something critical about marriage as God intends. For all of its "practical" benefits — sexual pleasure, happiness and health, etc. — marriage, and intercourse, is not first about that.

I cannot emphasize this enough. If marriage is ultimately and primarily for me and my needs, or her and her needs, if it is primarily about us, about self, then I will always struggle with disappointment, because there is never enough for me. Never.

I use the words primarily and ultimately purposely here. Clearly, biblical marriage benefits me, and as such it is a great gift to me, but it is not first and foremost about me (or my spouse).

Paul teaches in Ephesians that the mystery of marriage is this: It is primarily and ultimately about Christ and the Church; it is a living, breathing human parable on display to the whole world about the relationship between Jesus and His Bride.

Understand that intercourse can't be detached from the whole of marriage in a biblical relationship; it's part of the whole of two people becoming one, but let's focus on it for a moment and explore at lease one way that it illustrates this Christ/Church love.

There are few actions that illustrate a total giving of oneself to another like the act of intercourse. When rightly lived out, it is an act of completely giving oneself away, a total abandonment to, and complete trust of, another. Sound familiar?

Christ gave everything of Himself for the Church. We are to give ourselves completely to Him. "Greater love has no one than this," He said, "that someone lay down his life for his friends." The throbbing heartbeat of the cross of Christ is a complete emptying of one for another, the complete giving of oneself for the good of the other. It is in losing our lives that we find life.

This is biblical marriage, and intercourse, at its best. It is the polar opposite of the world's idea of a sexual relationship (and much of what you described negatively). The world says sex is about take. Our old nature wants to make it about us. At best it is a game of give and take, of scorekeeping, of what's fair! And sadly, as you've testified, many Christians have bought the world's way.

But that isn't God's way. That doesn't illustrate what Christ did for His Bride. Paul goes as far to tell the Corinthians that if you're married, your body is not even yours anymore. It belongs to your spouse.

Because that is how Christ loved.

If a husband makes intercourse about taking, or if a wife makes it a short-term loan of her body for a moment, they miss the incredible, indescribable beauty of it. They're just using one another to get whatever it is they need out of it.

Intercourse in the context of biblical love (giving yourself away wholly) is what glorifies God. It is a falling into another's arms in total trust and abandonment, a receiving of another completely, wholly, flaws and all. Again, a powerful human illustration of the work of Christ on the cross and our response to Him.

I've painted a beautiful picture of intimacy, but note that my wife and I are still — after 16 years — growing in this, and I assume we'll continue to grow more into this in the years ahead. We didn't stand before the minister, say "I do," and suddenly give ourselves perfectly to one another. Oneness starts there and is hammered out over a lifetime.

We were clueless when we started. We are, however, much further down the road than we were 16 years ago, even five years ago. Sadly, we know many Christians who after many years of marriage only view intercourse from take and scorekeeping — from self. What they don't realize is that only in giving away do we find the pleasure we were looking for all along. The mystery of God's kingdom! It is in giving that I receive, not in taking!

A final thought. To give oneself away to another person in such a way as I've described here requires great trust in the One who brought you together with this other person. Does He know what He is doing? Do we trust that He can heal when we stick our heart out there to another human and get hurt (because even in a growing Christian marriage, both husband and wife will experience hurt)?

Do I believe that God is big enough to catch me when the other person doesn't? Only in completely abandoning ourselves to Him first can we give ourselves in this way to another. And giving ourselves away to another, especially in sexual intimacy, is a beautiful way for us to express our trust in Him.

There's a lot more to say on the topic, but I hope this gets some wheels turning for you.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

(Taken from Boundless.Org)

About Dreaming

Dreams: are they just a lust of our mind or are they really exist and need to be fulfilled?
I don't get it... (-_-")

Lately I'm dreaming of traveling abroad... This is a bit weird, considering that I have never wished that I would go abroad in the past, at all... I was just content with my city and my country, while some people I know really want to go abroad for vacation. But now I feel the same desire (-_-")

Sometimes I still don't understand, are certain dreams really need to be fulfilled (we must strive and try everything legal to pursue them) or they are just merely temporary lusts? Yes, lust... 'Cause they might be born in our mind out of a boredom, or just as an expression of our deepest wish to be "free"? Free from everyday routines and tasks... to refresh our mind and soul, to feel and experience the new environment, meet new people, learn new culture... even if it's just for a while...

I guess that maybe sometimes people need to add new vocabularies to the brain, fresh perspectives, to refresh our "human library"... to feed our thirst of new knowledge...

...at least that's the way I feel...

But unfortunately, not everyone can get their dreams to go traveling... They stumbled upon the costs, their family, their current job, all things that make their dreams harder to reach.

Then I think... if our life is not about us but about God (because we are His possession), I'm questioning are those kind of dreams worth to be pursued?

Certainly, if I think about the wholeness of life, like it is written in Ecclesiastes, everything is meaningless... it's true. 'Cause no matter how much we can get, no matter how great is our pride, no matter how many places we can visit and "conqueror", anything you name it... at the end, they will be all meaningless... because our true life is not meant for this temporary world, but later, in the eternity (Ecclesiastes 3:11)... That's why we can never be satisfied with the earthly things...

But another perspective, through all the process to achieve and experience our dreams, we can learn about His love, His almighty power, we can learn how to relate with God and also with other people the right way... Isn't that what God wants us to experience? Isn't that what God's goal for us to achieve? He wants us to be more alike with Him and also make every people His disciples. How we can fulfill God's goal in our life? By relating with God and others...

...and traveling is just one way among so many other ways...

Hmmm... I wish I can go travel to everywhere someday... not for the sake of traveling itself, but for a deeper purpose...

Me Singing "She Will Be Loved"

Free Sunday - Blog Update

Happy Sunday! For me it's lazy Sunday hahaha... Not really lazy siy, secara ntar juga mau pergi keluar buat belanja beli buah di Sinar terdekat ama juga sekalian ngelus-ngelus hamster 'n kelinci yang dijual di sana hehehe... They are so cute =p Ngegemesin hehehe...

This week I joined Interpals, recommended by my penpal from Thailand, just for searching another penpals =p Kayaknya enak aja email-email-an ama orang dari negara-negara laen, sekalian ngebiasain diri Inggris-an.

Btw, kayaknya aku dah ga produktif lagi jadi blogger yah hihihi... Secara postingan yang original udah tambah dikit 'n banyak postingan copy-paste. Nggak juga siy. Aku masih ngeblog, cuman terakhir kan aku sempet penasaran ama fitur baru di Wordpress.com, jadinya aku bikin blog baru 'n keterusan di sana hahaha...

Aku emang ga woro-woro alamat blog Wordpress yang baru, coz I think I need a little privacy, apa yah, sebenernya isinya juga ga rahasia-rahasia banget, cuman berasa lebih bebas aja nulisnya, mau cuman curhat ga penting atau apapun bisa aku tumpahin smua di sana. It's available on the internet, orang laen juga masih bisa baca, cuman aku setting ga termasuk di hasil pencarian Google. Jadi otomatis yang bisa nyampe sana ya cuman orang yang udah tau alamat blogku =p

Tapi kalo misalnya aku mau ngebagiin something yang bisa ngasih inspirasi atau copy paste artikel-artikel yang memberkati, bakal tetep aku posting ke sini kok.

Talking about blog's privacy, ada temenku yang dulu juga punya blog di Wordpress, orang-orang kantornya beberapa udah tau, sekarang di-private-in blognya jadi kalo mau baca kudu pake password. Ya otomatis yang bisa baca cuman yang udah dikasih password hehehe... Iya emang rada ga enak juga siy yah kalo orang kantor tau isi blog kita =p Orang-orang kantorku yang dulu banyak yang udah tau cuman aku cuek-cuek aja, apalagi sekarang kan dah ga sekantor ama mereka, lagian they are all my friends.

Ini karna aku dah lama sempet ga terbiasa nulis. Makanya aku butuh 1 blog yang bebas dari orang-orang laen, biar istilahnya bisa ngasih kesempatan yang seluas-luasnya ke aku buat ber-ekspresi (ceilah hahahaha...) Ga ber-ekspresi yang gimana juga siy, pokoknya pas nulis tu bisa bebas aja. Ga pake mikir "duh ntar kalo mereka / si ini / si itu baca blogku gimana yah?" so I choose to add "freedom in blogging" by making the new Wordpress blog hahaha...

Enak juga nih ngeblog panjang kayak gini... ditemani lagunya si Taylor Swift ama angin semilir... Kamar kosku kan di lantai 2, lumayan sejuk, kalo pagi masih bisa denger suara burung berkicau-kicau (tuh ada bunyinya hehehe)... Sedappp...

So, happy Sunday everyone!
...and happy blogging! ^.^

Google Minded

Sekarang kayaknya ga bisa ngapa-ngapain kalo ga ada Google. Mulai dari:

>> Search engine-nya (Udah umum lah… kalo mau cari apa-apa selalu googlinggggg…). Dari khusus search web, image, video, sampe blog.

>> Gmail (lebih enteng daripada email-email yang laen coz ada pilihannya mau tampilan standar HTML yang enteng banget -cocok kalo pas koneksi internet lagi lelet- atau tampilan yang normal -ada pilihan themenya-). Plus banyak banget kelebihannya di fitur-fitur ketimbang email yang laen. Bisa import juga dari account email laen trus kalo kita mau reply, ada pilihannya apa kita mau alamat pengirimnya itu alamat gmail atau email yang kita import tadi. Coba explore aja sendiri hehehe… Aku udah import account Hotmail ke Gmail.

>> Google Reader (buat subscribe RSS blog-blog favorit). Ni enak banget coz ga usah cape-cape lagi bukain satu-satu blog favorit. Tinggal subscribe RSS-nya, trus kalo ada update, langsung nongol smua di Google Reader.

>> Google Translate, yang ini buat nerjemahin. Kadang buat iseng-iseng terjemahin status buat Facebook atau status YM pake bahasa laen biar ga ada yang ngerti hehehehe…

>> Google Calendar (buat nyimpen schedule). Bisa diset tampilannya hari ini doang (plus jam-nya), settingan custom, atau seminggu, atau bulanan. Trus bisa dijadiin widget juga kalo misalnya kita mau pasang di blog atau website. Ukuran widget kalendernya bisa diatur juga loh!

>> Google Documents (yang ini barusan aja explore… asik juga kayak punya program Microsoft Word, Excel, ‘n Power Point online! Plus juga bisa upload file dokumen tertentu termasuk file pdf, bisa dishare, ‘n juga bisa di-download). Lebih mempermudah sharing juga ini. Ada pilihannya kok apakah 1 dokumen itu mau di-private atau mau di-share.

>> Trus jadi explore i-Google hehehe… Ini istilahnya kayak homepage kita di Google, mirip-mirip ama My Yahoo. Cuman berhubung udah jatuh cinta ama Google, jadi pake i-Google aja hihihi…

Sebenernya kalo mau di-explore banyak loh yang bisa diutak-atik. Pokoknya seru kalo udah exploring hihihi, dicobain satu-satu, diubah-ubah setting-nya… It’s just so cool ^.^